Dear Abby: My son’s father won’t commit to a relationship – should I continue?

Dear ABBY: My son’s father, “Tony” and I dated for two years before our son was born. We broke up seven years ago, and it’s been on and off most of the time since then.

Last year we got closer again and I asked him what he wanted. Tony said he doesn’t want a romantic relationship with anyone right now because he’s working on his anger issues. He is a former combat marine and has had these problems for years.

I’ve been honest about wanting a relationship when he’s ready, but I’m really confused with the mixed messages he’s sending me.

I asked about setting boundaries that we both agree on, but Tony says he doesn’t need any and that I should do what I feel is right for me. This leaves me feeling that I would be used if the situation becomes intimate.

I have set limits on no sex unless we are in a relationship. Tony treats me like a friend and sometimes wants to hug or kiss me.

I think because we don’t want the same relationship, I should move on. What is your advice? – NEAR OHIO

HONORED IN CUTTING: I’m sorry you didn’t mention how Tony’s anger issues manifest. If they are as severe as he acts, he needs professional help.

You have wisely postponed sex (more) with him without some kind of commitment, which he does not want to do.

From what you wrote, your son’s father doesn’t care more than a friendly relationship with you so that he can have one with his son.

While I admire that, I do NOT think you should plan a future with him, or you could end up waiting forever.

Dear ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 31 years. However, we have a strained relationship with our daughter “Willa”.

Even though we don’t like her almost/unemployed boyfriend of four years, we’ve tried to accept him. We also paid for family vacations and included it.

I’ll admit we were hard on Willa growing up, but we always said she could live at home while she went to school.

She is a hard worker and we have told her how proud we are of her accomplishments. She goes to school, works two jobs and has never needed anything from us.

We see our daughter only on special occasions. We did family therapy to help our relationship, but she stopped going when the boyfriend came into the picture.

My question is: How can I have a good relationship with my daughter? – MISSING IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR I MISS YOU: You have created a daughter who is self-reliant, hard-working and independent, and who probably distanced herself from you because you were so “difficult” with her while she was growing up.

I don’t know if I should congratulate you or congratulate you, but as far as your close relationship with your daughter goes, that ship may have sailed—unless you can convince Willa to return to family therapy with you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.